I Want a Job

After getting laid off last year and getting depressed, and then looking around the job market for a bit, I’ve decided I want a new job.

Specifically, I want a job where:

Senior Management is actually involved in the company; other than trying to decide who to lay off. They actually have a vision for the company, and not a ‘mission statement’ full of business school buzzwords.

I want a job where:

Project Managers/Project Leaders actually have a plan. They know something about the project they are managing. They have design specs or requirements for the project; more than some notes scribbled on napkins or a database schema hand-drawn on a sheet of 11 x 17 chart paper.

They understand what a relational database is, what primary keys are for, and why users should never see them. They know that some of the people who work for them are experts, and should be listened to.

They don’t have ‘scrum’ meetings every morning where they all sit around a table for an hour or so. They actually know what ‘agile development’ means.

They spend more time with their staff working on the project than they do in meetings.

I want a job where:

My co-workers have a decent level of competence. They understand their jobs, so most of them understand basic software engineering principles. They know what terms like ‘version control’, ‘unit test’, and “resolution” mean. And they’re more interested in doing a good job than backstabbing their co-workers or brown-nosing management. They understand that they are at work, and don’t spend the whole day on the phone, or reading travel magazines, or looking at porn on the internet.

They don’t take naps at their desks in the middle of the day!

I want a job where:

The company takes quality seriously; they aren’t just interested in shipping a piece of crap to the customers. They have coding standards, conduct code reviews, have a testing process, employ competent QA staff, and conduct meaningful beta tests.

I want a job where:

Hell, at this point I could be wishing for unicorns.

I guess I need to find something else to do.

(P.S. All of the above is true, and happened at least once.)